I had a great day today. I went to the park, ran, breathe the oxygen and enjoy the sun, visited my friend in a hospital and went to this learning course I applied to for my national exam. I just got home less than an hour ago, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to return comments today or not. We’ll see. (Don’t you just love it when your day isn’t wasted away? It feels awesome.)
I had a brilliant idea in my free time: re-reading my past blogs on Urban Conspiracy. I went to my archives page. With this one, I have fifty one blogs, not counting the ones that I’ve written on Piczo, Freewebs (though they weren’t really blogs), my subdomain BrilliantMistakes.FinalDesire.org, and my WordPress when I just started Urban Conspiracy. Fifty one blog posts isn’t a huge amount for you guys who have been in the world wide web for a long time, but I’m still glad that I keep my past blogs. And I really, really have a big respect for them now.
A few months ago, my blogs were just “blogs”, “entries”, “updates”, something to fill in my homepage. I was more focused to my visitor contents, so I didn’t really care about what I wrote there. I lost my blogs often, and I never cared. But if it ever happened to me now, I swear I’ll cry.
Like I said before, I’m respecting my blogs now, knowing what they have done to me now. They’re so precious and they mean so much to me. Every time I read it, I feel like seeing a reflection of the immature, foolish me. I never liked the way I write in the past, and what I wrote. I hate the fact that I used to complain so much, it’s like I never, ever paid some respect and appreciate what I have and be grateful, instead of complaining about silly little things, like this blog: mystery behind the disappearance of mom’s mango and bun (it’s still unsolved! Whoo!). And when I did read them, I didn’t like them. If I were a different person from the “silly me”, I’d probably just forget it. By that, I think I’m getting better. I’m still far from perfect, but at least I now know that I was just that lame. Haha. And I’m sure that in ten years, I still have these blogs, and I think my twenty three year old me won’t like to read these blogs. 
P
It’s weird that I remember some of my Piczo and Freewebs blogs, but not the ones from my subdomain and the earlier ones from Urban Conspiracy. On Piczo I remember I wrote about my vacation in Bali, and it was my last Piczo blog ever. On my Freewebs, I think I blogged about how people on Zwinky were rude to me and about my crush. Oh God, weird days. (And yes, my memory’s great. Joking.) I’ve deleted them though, so you won’t be able to find me blogging about my crush. That’s a good thing, I would hate it if someone EVER found that blog and chances are they’d find out who I was talking about. That would be a hell of a disaster. -_-
My hope is that I’ll be able to keep Urban Conspiracy until like, years from now. It would be nice reading this post and laugh at how bad the way I write. My site is like a diary that I never had. I had a diary, a few of them, but I never really wrote on them. I always felt like someone was watching me and I had a fear of someone reading my diary, even though I got it locked. But I don’t know; I feel comfortable writing on my site. Probably because a lot of people do the same, and they’re not ashamed of it at all… hell, why would we be ashamed, anyway?
I’m looking forward to ten years later, when I’ll go and read this blog about my fear of math and exclaim, “OH YEAH, I’M A MATH GENIUS NOW. IN YO FACE!!!”
